sigh* i really dont know what to do anymore. everything seems so....fake.
as in..everything that i am, everything that i know..seems to be just a figment of the imagination..
like some story crafted by people of an unknown kind..lyk we're from a story book, like fushigi yugi...
its so puzzeling and so...confusing... my future is so..weird. reading up on the minor prophets have helped some but still..my nerves are still on fire. i just cant help dreading the end of year exams..i know..im paranoid beyond belief.. its.... may n im worrying about september...im a nut case. certified crazy ass... sigh* this is never going to work..
im going to go to 3/2 and all my 2 yr frens wld b in 3/1.... sigh* now all of a sudden, i sudd feel lyk saying the lords prayer lyk in kindergarden lolx... n d grace song. sooo cute. wonder y im tinking about this when im supposed to be nerding for mid yrs... well..half a yr to go..n then its off to sec 3 then hello o levels! sigh* i have come to realised that im nothing but human. as in..literally. hm....... shall not ponder about philosophy and the way of life. its too time consuming. i would never have time to look at the pretty flowers along the way or so it seems.... shall just....take life as it is. hopefully, mi life would be short if it were to be not so good...or long if it was. hell..im wishing for a perfect life. nah..i tink sadness then happiness... tt shld do it. but tts asking for a perfect life..i changed my mind. i want mine to be a roller coaster. how dangerous, i dont know but certainly a bit amusing during challenges. hm..wonders... u noe wad...mayb 3/2 isnt so bad..its all about adaptation..but i seriously hope i can get in 3/1 if i can...the amt of stress and everyone whu is up against me, vying for that one spot is almost unbearable followed by the demands that i play the tenor sax. i have no qualms but damn..its learning a whole new instrument! when i have finally learnt to transpose in alto, i have to switch to tenor and then i have to do everything all over again and here i m, feeling super guilty. as in.... im never one to let things just drop..i still feel guilty lor... even tho i forgot the date... (oops) i think si hui and adeline and melissa had a part in the... 'who should go to tenor sax' inccident... apparently, my assumptions were made....correct. she DID force natalie..well..indirectly..n i contributed cuz i was sulking..no...i was positively mopping around... sigh* si hui ahh.... its bcuz of u forcing tt im nvr gona forget how guilty i will b. hm...i tink i was gona scream for the sheer joy of it..o well...whats past has past..she did save me for a few months. a precious few months. hm..more lyk...6 months of happiness... havnt thk her yet. i plan to make her guilty for making me feel guilty. i wonder wad she saed to nat... n melissa n ade n blanche..aww..i feel ALMOST sorri for him..ah too bad..whu ask him to b a freaking male.. lolx... ai ya...mel prob worked her couldron quite well to achieve that... mus giv si hui credit. didnt noe she had it in her tho i had my suspicions.... ah nvm. shall not dwindle in d past and just stare into space, wondering what yaweh has installed for me... tts prob for him to noe n me to find out.... to infinity....and beyonddd!!!!