hm...
the house is all quiet..
so natually..
i wld just sit on d bed and think..
think think and think again...
well..
mi conscience just wldnt bug off..
as in..
was it right of me to lyk..let nigel trans to tenor instead of me?
as in..sure i was relieved..
but..the fact that..he didnt want to trans..
well..kinda..
but his parents supported him in d decision..
mine wldnt even blink an eye or object stronly to it..
its all bcuz of d dumb piano thing in pri sch..
i was gona take mi grade 4 xam for piano..
then on d dae itself..
i went into the room..
and refused to play at all..
as in..totally refused..
so i practically lyk.. stomped out of the room..
and lyk...mi dad knew about it.
and he was bloody livid..
i nvr reli lyked d piano..
as in..i just see nthg in it..
sure..its a nice instrument..
v popular and common..
but did it just occur to them tt i didnt want to play it?
no.
ALLLL they thought of was d piano.
sure..im v lucky to have piano lessons for free when some cant even afford it..
but..!!!
its so stupid..to FORCE me to play smthg i dont want to n xpect me to find pleasure in it..
i guess mi dad nvr reli got used to the fact that someone in this world wld actually prefer the saxophone to the piano..
wish he wld just open his damn bloody eyes and LOOK..
as in..im 13..going on 14..
so tell me wat d freakin hell is so gd bout d piano when its one of the easiest instruments to play?
or the fact that a song can be played on ani key..
while for an alto sax..
it cant b played on 'just ani key'
it has to b played on d correct one..
n it not onli test ur finger coordination..
but ur brain as well..not to mention tongue..
hm..
yc spreaks bluntly sumtimes..but its tru u noe..
wad he saes..
mi life and his aint much diff..
just that well...
his parents support him in every single way..
and mine..are the most unsupportive when it comes to music..
and even more so when it comes to other things..
i DID tell mi dad i might trans to tenor..
guess wat he saed..'so ure taking on an even more useless instrument?'
sigh* mi life is pretty screwed aint it?
despite all d perks..
he just soooo loves to rule mi life..
keeps whineing about how difficult i m to handle..
ever occured to him tt if he actually didnt try to rule mi life, i wld b abit more sensitive?
noooo...so im damn bloody cold and dead unsensitive..
as in...look at A
her parents let her do wateva she wants..
think shes a better person to handle?
DUH!
urgh..stupid parents whu arnt parents..
havnt they learnt?
im sooo a lab rat..
bing used to.. xperiment wat a child does when he/she was at tt age..
then apply the correct dosage to d 2nd child..
making it unfair to d 1st..
stupid prats.
but it alllll turns to..
i cld hav just accepted the cruel fact that i have to trans to tenor..
and sooo not tink about mi parents approving at all..
n just ignore them on their dumb thots on d different instruments..
but noooo..i just cldnt help but tink wad mi dad wld sae..
sigh*
so i had to under go a whole series of mood swings..
snapping at anione and i tink, everyone...
then acting all moody and stuff...
and then bing a total bitch and start bitching around..
and then act happi lyk nthg is happening..
and then get all pissed off..
then bing all bubbly and bouncy..
and then bing damn sulky and quiet and frustrated..
as in.how mani emotions can one handle at a time?
sigh*
urgh...
i swear..if natalie complains about d tenor one more time..i will trans to it and save him d pain..
bet he'll b over the moon..
sigh* did i cause the misery?
is he miserable?
or.. unhappy?
or feeling totally damned?
or asking himself y on earth did he bloody save me frm all d parental objections?
or regreting trans to tenor..
urgh!!!!!!!!
this is sooooo frustrating..
stupid brain..
y cant i b a lil smarter and then try to fig out if hes regretting d decision or not?
urgh..i so wana read minds lyk jean grey..
!!!!
sigh* wat shld i do?
wat shld i do?
mi conscience is just not letting me off..
when he saed he wld trans to tenor..
i was over the moon..sure..but ...i just cldnt help tinking if it was correct of me to just.. let him trans..
as in..i knew he was a gd player in alto..
he was just gona make the mark..
make a print..
leave a print..
and then..he had to trans..
and make his mark all ova again?
sigh* i duno..i reli duno..
sumtimes..i wld just stare out d window..
n wonder to miself..
wat it wld b to lyk..feel the wind 10 stories down..
duno.. sigh* suicidal? no..
just......duno..
sigh* sigh* sigh*